The yacht has already started moving, this is when he should act. Moving in the dark, avoiding being spotted and killing people without a single thought, is what he has been trained for the last few year. He had finished more than a dozen of missions like this but this is different. This is the whole Pheonix's only way of survival. If he fails, it will be the end of him and the whole Pheonix.
The yacht has already a distance from the bay and this is when he should act. Moving in the dark, he slowly approaches his victim's room. Pushing open the door, he sees a sleeping man on the bed.
"This is going to be a quick and easy one."
Taking out his gun, he puts it on the head of his victim, preparing his last move, pulling the trigger. Then, he saw a kid. Sleeping soundly on her father's lap. How could he kill the father of a innocent kid? She is just a kid, what will happen to her if her father dies?
This is his only weakness, he can kill anybody but just not kids.
Just as he was hesitating, the man woke. There is only two things he can do now, shoot or run. And the first thing his mind tells him, is RUN. And that's what he did. He ran to the end of the yacht and just as he was about to jump into the sea, he heard a loud 'bang' and a pierce of pain came through him and he dropped into the sea.
Telling himself over and over again,
To sleep is to die......
To sleep is to die......
Then, he lost his consciousness, floating through the sea in the so called endless night......
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You might do well to brush up on the tenses and diction. Good try, boy.
ReplyDeleteJust notice the timing when you are working on this. Isn't this the time your'e supposed to sleep?
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, your prologue was at an average mark, prologues are supposed to act as a trigger to the story, making it flow to the epilogue. Your prologue here is a bit of a slack but it's a good start to you.
Anyway, why is the title Bond Identity? You can take this title but your prologue doesn't suit the title. Bond people aren't supposed to run away, they are supposed to use tactics!
Your way of filling this blog is good, I might want to do it this way too. D2R01-LEG
Is that worth that the whole Phoenix ended just because of his weakness and the child?
ReplyDeleteHo had done a good statement in the part of the role that he was hesitating whether he should shot his victim.
And use more suitable vocab and actions.
Do express more on your feeling and your compo will be better.
Overall,this compo is well done.
Keep it up and do more surprising work next time!!
The title should not be Bond Identity because Bonds don't run.Besides that as a Bond he should not hesitate to kill someone even a child.But still it is good work.Keep it up and improve.
ReplyDeleteWhat's this about huh? Some English ACE thing? Or are you so enthusiastic as to be doing this out of your own initiative? Nice to see you guys doing this.
ReplyDelete555...i was forced by sb 2 leave comment....TT
ReplyDeleteanyway, ur story is quite ok lah...but y u hav time 2 write dis? But den u should post more...cuz i dun nid always come n read....期待你的杰作！但别忘了来支持我哦！